You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
