i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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