Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
