Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
