dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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