If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love you.
Bad choice
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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