She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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