FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
