I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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