Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
