Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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