jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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