I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If that was your dad, he is hot
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
