How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
