I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
