I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
