so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I look better un-naked...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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