So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
