Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
BRING THE BAGELS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
