No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
