If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
