You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
