you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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