I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I forget how to act sober
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
