You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
