Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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