allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
