If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
