nut hugger
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
