he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
