And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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