You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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