i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
