Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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