You're so nebulous sometimes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
