well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
