apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
