Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
