My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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