i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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