Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
