he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
