the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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