just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
