He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
