She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
