I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
