I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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