The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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