if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
