You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
