Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
