I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
