you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
