I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
